How Piers Morgan Tweets

Over the world yesterday, protesters of both genders came out to protest against the philosophy and policy of Donald Trump. 

washington-women-march-5
Protesters in a metro station, Washington D.C. Image via Reuters.

Against this wave of worldwide public protest, one man and his whirling thumbs stood: Piers Morgan. The former newspaper editor and now breakfast anchor decided that he had to make a stand. And so he did.

This was the first of 152 tweets about the Women’s March which spewed from Morgan’s fingertips. In spite of all this, he focused solely around a few core messages: that the protests were against Trump’s victory and therefore anti-democratic; that he was against ‘rabid feminists’ and these protests were organised by them; that there should be a march by men in favour of ‘male gender emasculation’; suggestions that the march should be against Saudi Arabia, not the new US administration and additional smatterings of smears, jibes and low blows which seem appropriate an former Fleet Street editor.

Morgan’s tweets are better written than Trump’s: having been the boss for two newspapers, you would hope that he has some command of English. The tweets convey the tone of a cheeky grinning chap but with a far more malicious message underneath. The language screams conversational: ‘crackers’, ‘bracing’, ‘silly’, ‘mate’ and so-on. He doesn’t depend on punctuation and capital letters to the same extent that Trump does to make his tweets sound angry: he has a far more sinister use of English. His supposedly chatty tone is the vehicle for the darker message of Morgan’s tweets. His tweets are more supposed to sound like the man at the pub giving you his opinions on immigration than a reasoned judgement.

That’s because these tweets aren’t supposed to elicit reason: they are supposed to illicit anger. Morgan is a tabloid man through and through, representing the sad cesspit of nineties journalism which he managed to crawl out of, and so he understands that emotional battles are far more spectacular than ones which depend on rational debates. Each time that someone looks to engage with him on the level of the rational, Morgan seeks to drag it down to the personal, abusing how many followers they have, their appearance or just some good, old fashioned sweary insults.

So, if you want to tweet like Piers Morgan, follow this simple guide:

  1. Find some subject to tweet on in which you know you’ll receive a large online public backlash. Make sure its not too dull.
  2. Type out your basic objection to this subject into your phone.
  3. Take a look over the language and make sure you change every word to be as hyperbolic as possible.
  4. Tweet it.
  5. Repeat it 150 times. Perhaps find some plasters for your thumbs.

The final word goes to Jon Favreau, former speechwriter to Obama, who hits the nail on the head:

Full disclaimer: this post was based on this video, titled How (and Why) Donald Trump Tweets by the Nerdwriter.

 

 

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